This has been a big week. Today is Roan's first day at her new daycare. Deep down I'm excited for her. It's a wonderful place, with exposure to art, music, an educational curriculum, and 9 other kiddos her age. I know it's going to be really good for her.
I just didn't expect today to be so hard on me! I guess I haven't had to experience the trauma of leaving her with new, different care providers for a long long time... about a year in fact. It's not so much that I worry they won't care for her well. They are amazing. It's a nagging pain in my heart that the next few days there might be a difficult transition for her. I just hate to think of her being scared or confused. And I hate being without her all day. It's so nice when she's upstairs with our nanny and I can hear her tromping around or giggling or even crying on a rough day. Even though I'm not in the room with her, I feel like I know how her day is going.
Gosh, I don't know why I'm being such a big baby. At this very moment I'm logged into the daycare's web site where they have streaming video. I can watch what Roan is doing, whether inside or outside the center, at any time. About half an hour ago she was having a rough spell. It was snack time, and instead of sitting at the table with all the other kiddos she was wandering around with her paci and blankie crying. *heart breaking* But I just peeked back in, and she's sitting on one of the caregiver's laps holding a pair of maracas, shaking them enthusiastically while the other kids in the circle around her are singing. *awww*
I strongly believe that one of the best gifts we can give our kids is the gift of independence. The privilege of experiencing the world around them on their own, the ability to make their own decisions, their own mistakes, and to experience and learn from the consequences. I see today, however, with crystal clarity that I may find it hard at times to walk that walk. An ounce of pain for her I experience tenfold. But I guess no one said it would be easy!
I strongly believe that one of the best gifts we can give our kids is the gift of independence. The privilege of experiencing the world around them on their own, the ability to make their own decisions, their own mistakes, and to experience and learn from the consequences. I see today, however, with crystal clarity that I may find it hard at times to walk that walk. An ounce of pain for her I experience tenfold. But I guess no one said it would be easy!
1 comment:
Your verbal picture of the "first day at school" is vivid and beutiful. You and Roan will experience many "first day at..." but you both will get through with flying colors. Your sharing means more than you can know...at least until you are the GG miles away and Roan shares with you as you do with those of us so far away. Love, ggd
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