Friday, March 28, 2008

Closing in on one year

Sorry no pictures today. I tried to snap one this morning before zooming off to the babysitter's, but the dang camera was out of batteries. Roan was so cute. In a great mood, as usual. Tromping around the house babbling at the top of her lungs, whacking things with a drumstick, saying "up up" to be picked up and "duh duh" to be put down.

Coming up on one whole year, this week I have felt overwhelming feelings of gratitude and joy wash over me. When I think back to where I was a year ago - I was in utter misery at the tail end of pregnancy, full of anxiety about what this baby would be like and what I would be like as a mom, living in a construction zone, and wondering how my body would ever go back to anything resembling its former shape. We survived her birth and those first few crazy months. I never would have dared to hope that I could be as happy as I am today with our little family.

I feel so grateful and so lucky to have been blessed with this sweet child. When she smiles and laughs at nothing much I wonder how on earth one little person can be so happy. As she toddles around all over the house I marvel at her phsyical dexterity. When I see her interacting in playgroups confidently and sweetly - marching right over to new kids and sharing her toys - I can't help but feel like she has a healthy start on the interpersonal skills she'll need to succeed in life.

Being a mom has been a humbling experience so far. Some days you feel like you're getting it all right and others you don't have a clue. One thing is very clear to me though. These little people come to us with personalities and temperments all their own. We can do our best to help shepherd them through life. But they ultimately determine what lens they see the world through. When Roan wakes up radiating joy, I know that didn't come from me. It comes from what I can only describe as the thermonuclear happiness reactor deep inside her.

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