8/17/2006 - Counting down the hours

Man this sucks. I just can't stand it! I don't know how I'm going to pass the time between now and my appointment tomororw. I am DYING to tell my sister and my moms. I had lunch with mommy 1 today and it was SO HARD not to blurt it out. Even if things didn't turn out at this point I would still want to share this with them. But Arwen and I agreed to keep it to ourselves until after tomorrow's appointment, and I'm going to stick by that agreement. In one way, it's kind of neat having this secret shared just between me and him.

But between the fatigue and being distracted waiting for tomorrow to get here, I am not getting much done at work. I feel like a narcoleptic with ADD.

I wonder how my moms will to take it. Guess what, you're finally going to be a grandma, but I'm taking your grandbaby 1000 miles away. Yippie. I mean, I'm sure they'll be happy - thrilled even - but sad too. Same for my grandmas and Jim & Beryl.

The other thing on my mind - not that it even should be at this point - is that I hope hope hope it's not twins. That would just be insane wouldn't it? It'd be one thing to figure out the parenting thing in a new town in a new state where you don't know many people but two bambinos instead of one? In our teeny tiny barely 2 bedroom apartment? We'd never get a baby sitter. It just seems like it'd be a recipe for disaster. But then some other part of me deep down has some kind of morbid fascination with the idea. It thinks it would be so 'cute' to have two for the price of one.

So you know what else. There is this bizarre phenomenon where I wake up in the morning barely pooched out at all in the tummy area, and by afternoon I'm like a beach ball. Well, I exaggerate, but still. It is truly strange. I saw on an expectant mothers' bulletin board someone asked whether anyone else was experiencing the same thing, and wouldn't you know it, everymom and her grandma chimed in. So weird.

So I suppose sometime between now and tomorrow I ought to think through how I would handle the worst case scenario: a non-viable pregnancy. I know that on one hand I would be sad and disappointed, but then on the other hand, with so much going on I would hope I could take it in stride. I did kind of have my heart set on learning to snowboard this winter. Things would just revert back to "the plan". And at least now I know for sure that "the plumbing" works. If we can do it once, we can do it again, and perhaps at a more convenient time.

And if tomorrow's news is the good kind... Well I'm going to do my best not to think too hard about that. I will take a cue from Arwen and reserve judgement until then.